Once Upon A Time....

Once Upon A Time a very long time ago, I believed that anything was possible....  I believed in destiny.  I also believed in soul mates....  I still do.  But over time, I have had to grow up and have been forced to re-examine how I choose to define these terms.....

Life has a way of teaching us lessons about the the people we choose to surround ourselves with and the paths we choose to take.  We all think we are unique in our choices, our passions and our circumstances.  But maybe, just maybe, we are not as unique as we think.  Maybe, we are so very similar in our lives, sometimes we mirror each other in our experiences without ever really knowing it.....

Over time I have had to let go of people in my life that I've believed were my "everything".  I've had to re-examine the people who I gave so much power to, but did nothing but scar my soul.  Looking back, I now realize that by giving them so much power in my life, I in turn took power away from myself.  In a sad pathetic way, I grieve my ignorance.  How foolish I have been to believe in others more then myself!

Life is like that sometimes.  You sell your soul in the belief of something "special", "more real", "something, better, stronger", some lame sense of "destiny" that you believed in with all your heart, but they didn't.  Sometimes, for some people, "Destiny, is nothing more then the here and now."  Destiny for some people is more about the immediate satisfaction.

Destiny is a hard thing to sell.  And in all reality it should never be sold to anyone.  Either you believe in or you don't.  If you don't, then it's all about what feels good and floats your boat.  The problem with people like that is, sometimes the wind changes, and so does their desire.... 

Despite the life I have lived and the paths I have chosen, I still believe in destiny.  However, after spending a lifetime in believing in fate, destiny and soul mates I have come to the realization that it is not for everyone.  Sometimes, the object of your desire, your faith in a heart of a soul that wanders, is for not.  Sometimes, it's wasted a a soul that is never meant to find a home that dwells in contentment.

What I have learned over time is my heart does, it seeks compassion, harmony, passion and lust all in one......  For this I live, and for this I will forever search for.....

In my heart of hearts, I know without a doubt what my potential is, where my passion lies, and what drives my soul.  I now know what my heart and soul deserves....  I will settle for nothing less...   

Somebody That I Used to Know - Walk off the Earth (Gotye - Cover)

An Ode to Love and Me....

As I look back on my life and contemplate the choices I've made, there are thousands of left's or right's I could have taken, for this I am sure. However, regardless of the outcome, when I lay my head on my pillow each night, there are truths that I know.... deep within in my heart, without doubt that cannot be disceted, disbuted or erased by any strike of the key, deletion of an e-mail or cancelling of a post......

"Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you." - Vipin Sharma

"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." - Henry Drummond

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. " - Buddha Siddhartha Gautama

"Pooh, promise me you won't forget about me, ever. Not even when I am a hundred." Pooh thought for a little. "How old shall I be then?" "Ninety-nine." Pooh nodded. "I promise," he said. - A. A. Milne

"You live, you die, but if you never try, life goes on without you..." Truth be told, "I tried. I believed. I loved....." - Me

Time to Begin Again...

A new day, a new beginning. Time to begin again....

“I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries.” - Theodore Isaac Rubin

100 Things 6 - 10...........

6. I am addicted to Coca Cola. Please don't confuse this with Diet Coke. Which sends me off on another tangent.... Have you ever noticed that so many people who drink Diet drinks such as Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi are still overweight or obese? What's up with that? All those diet drinks and it still means nothing!! I'd rather drink the real thing and still weigh less then those who consume mass quantities of the diet thing. When I say I am addicted to Coca Cola, for me, that means: I will not, do not drink Pepsi, ever! I will instead choose a 7-Up option such as Sprite, Sierra Mist, whatever. I hate Pepsi! It's sweetness overwhelms me. I can't explain it any better then that.......


7. I first started playing tennis in middle school. In high school I played varsity tennis all four years. My high school team sucked. We could never beat the richer schools and their privately trained kids. We couldn't compete with professionally trained players, it was a fact, plain and simple. But what we lacked in skill, we made up for in tenacity. You know, sometimes when the chips are down and you can't see the sun for the rain, you go with option "B". While the rest of the team was dreading the match, I was plotting it out in my head. My best offense was defense. If I could get to the ball fast enough, I would try my best to return it with full force by aiming for them. I know, I know, maybe that was unprofessional or perhaps unsportsmanlike. Who knows, but if you know they are going to slam you with their serves or their fast returns, or at the net, what else is there to do, but run up to the net with a vengeance, acting like a crazy fool , with your eyes wide, stopping short, from foaming at the mouth!! My only goal was to return the ball while doing my best to make a direct hit on their body, their whatever..... The goal was to return the ball in a manner they could not return, albeit a bit whacked. I know, it was what it was, was but damn, it sure the hell made it a more even playing ground. It was all legal, and all psychological. And you know what? It was worth every point!!!

8. The older I get the more secure about myself I get. When I was younger I spent so much time worrying about what other people would think, or say. Now, in the big scheme of things, it really isn't that important to me. People are going to think what they are going to think. They don't know me, and if they think they do, I know better. Life is like that, people look at you and judge you based on what they see, where you are from, the car you drive, the house you live in. It's all so superficial. When you look at me, you can't see my talents, you can't feel my passion, you don't know my potential....

9. I love the rain. I never carry an umbrella, wear a hat or a rain coat. I've never bought a pair of rain boots and would prefere to be barefoot in it all if I could. I love the smell, the feel, the touch of the rain on my skin. I find it all very intoxicating and erotic and cleansing...........

10. I'm not a follower. I don't care who the "In" celebrity is. I don't care who the "favorite" canidate is. On social issues I'm a free thinker, on political issues I don't lean with the masses. My favorite books probably aren't your favorite books. What I do in my spare time will more then likely not be what you do in your spare time. I teach my kids to be independent souls, not to follow but to take a chance and lead. And if by chance no one follows them, maybe that is a good thing, because being different takes courage......

It's Friday Night & The Feeling's Right.....

Oh it's Friday Night and the feelings right, yes it's Friday night and the feelings right...... Oh what a night!!!

Oh yeah!!!! What a night...............................................

Time To Begin Again.....

Just when you think that you can't see tomorrow for the clouds, someone comes along that teaches you a new song, shows you a new play, a new day, a new promise....

Life is weird. Maybe, so much of it really is nothing more then an illusion, merely an act in a play so much larger then any of us could imagine. Maybe, what we thought was our be all, to our do all, really isn't.

While mourning a lost love/friend that I believed in with all my heart, I found myself discovering something new, more real, more honest, more raw, something bigger then anyone or anything I've ever known. I have discovered something that has made me catch my breath. I've found myself believing once again in myself, my dreams, my potential and all that I have to offer yet never realized by others.

While grieving my loss, I found myself becoming bored and tired of trying to compete with images from the past, with souls that I've never met, that have played such a heavy roll with the ones I've loved. I'm done with them, the pedestals which they have been placed on, and the time that I've wasted wondering just why they even matter in the big scheme of things. Truth is, they don't. Those souls are merely obstacles in the game of life. Beings that cross your path, appearing to be mirages in a desert, tidal waves in a lake, snow storms in the summer. Don't get me wrong, yes, they play an important part in someones life, just not mine.....

Tonight, I lay my head on my pillow, not dreaming of my past or the souls that have filled it, but rather the souls that are present and real and honest in my world today... That is my future..... The future I choose to live in..............

If I Could.......

I was surfing the net, feeling a little lonely and missing some some friends that I have lost over the last couple of years. This song touched my heart and said what words could not.....

If I Could......

A brand new baby was born yesterday,
Just in time
Papa cried, baby cried
Said, your tears are like mine
I heard some words
from a friend on the phone,
didn't sound so good
The doctor gave him two weeks to live
I'd give him more if I could

You know that I would now
If only I could
You know that I would now
If only I could

Down the middle drops one more
grain of sand
They say that
new life makes losing life easier to understand
Words are kind
they help ease the mind
I miss my old friend
And though you gotta go
we'll keep a piece of your soul
One goes out
One comes in

You know that I would now
If only I could
You know that I would now
If only I could

Jack Johnson...