At what point in our lives do we start loosing' ourselves while trying to please others? Twenty years ago I could have told you exactly who I was going to be and how much time it would take me to get there. At what point do we 'let go' of the dreams we believed were inevitable to settle for something "less, far less?"
It isn't just about pleasing one person but rather several people. Our jobs, our partners, our children, our friends. What once seemed like a quite simple "connect the dots" kind of life has evolved into a puzzle yet to be found in a book, a paper, an occasional quiz.
Where did the clarity of my life go? When did I lose my '20/20' vision of what I wanted and what I would become? I find myself grasping at what is real and what is important. What will nourish my 'soul' and make my being come alive once again, in the belief of what can be, should be or could be?
I've often thought that my happiness was based on being with a person, quite often just one person. But through the years I think I have come to learn, we're all just 'grasping' for straws here. Perhaps we are all just so clueless. So many of my friends are so sure of themselves, they are confident, outgoing they excel in their work environment and shine in the e public eye. However when push comes to shove and they lay their heads on their pillows at night, they are just 'lost' souls. Searching, hoping for something more, something nourishing.
I've never been a salesman. I can't sell you a car, a house a yacht. I could however, sell you the belief in yourself, your potential, your 'destiny.' I'd like to believe I have a natural insight into ones heart. I have lived my life with the belief that I "know" my own destiny, in my heart of hearts, my soul of souls. I "know" who I should be with, who I should spend my golden years with. But what happens if "they" don't? What happens if "they" can't believe in themselves, the same way I can? Oh shit, even worse, what happens if "their" destiny really doesn't include me? Does that make my convictions any less real? If I don't achieve my goal due to their inability to believe in what I do, does that mean I "fail"?
Perhaps, I should have focused more on not "who" would be by my side on this journey called life, but rather, how could "I" achieve contentment on my own. It's a lonely thought, but then again, perhaps not..........
Perhaps, I've been confused all along. Perhaps the people I once believed would be there, changed their game plan. Perhaps they can't even find the pieces themselves....
Perhaps, they are as lost as I am...................
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