Quote of the Day........

There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, "Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams." Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there. Erma Bombeck

I Hate You......

I hate that I am using that word. I do not allow my children to use it, and yet it flows from my lips with such bitterness, it burns. I know the word hate carries so much negativity and conceptions of bigotry. But as I sit here at this midnight hour searching for a word to express what I am feeling, I am at a loss for any other word that best describes my feelings towards you....

I have run across many people in my past, as well as my present that I find there actions, their words, their beliefs, distasteful and at times nauseating. But most of them never consume my thoughts, my dreams as you. You, in your anonymity, in your little world, in the life you live outside my own, yet forever intertwined in mine.

I do not care what your excuse is. I do not care how your memory has distorted the truth as it was, or how you perceive it to be. I do not care about your age, or who you think is to blame.

In one breath, in one action, you conceived my little boy with your sperm and egg. And yet, less then six weeks later, you cracked his skull, bruised his body and forever altered his life. And here I sit, almost seven years later, tears spilling over, trying so hard to put back the pieces of this little soul you damaged. Hate, just doesn't seem to be enough...........

This week I will take my precious angel to the doctor again, they will scan his head, test is skills, draw his blood, and make him cry. He will look at me with those bright blue eyes. He will search my face as if to ask "why?" "Why, did I bring him there? Why am I allowing them to do these things to him? Why aren't I protecting him?" I hate you.......

I hate what you did to him. I hate that you could move on in your life, and he is frozen in time, in his skills, in his learning, in achieving his fullest potential.

And yet with your carelessness, your abuse, your neglect; I was blessed with a soul to care for, a soul to love, a soul to nurture.....

I will strive all my life to help him overcome the obstacles he will face. I will be his advocater, his voice, his support system. I will believe in his potential when everyone else has given up. I will teach him to be a better person then you are. I will teach him that anger can be conquered. He will not grow to be the poster child of his past. He will know love, he will learn patience, he will not repeat history. And like me, he will learn forgiveness.....

Damn, sometimes, words just aren't enough..

My Previous Life.....

By Gayle Sorensen Stringer

• 
  In my previous life, before I was reincarnated as a mother of three, I wore clothes that fit and matched. I wore makeup and curled my hair every day. I had my eyebrows waxed and my nails done. But no one gave me graham cracker kisses. No one ever told me how pretty I look in sweats.

• In my previous life, I read Time magazine and the newspaper. My repartee of regular television viewing transcended Arthur and The Magic School Bus, and I devoured all the bestselling novels. But no one asked me to read The Velveteen Rabbit at bedtime. No one ever requested The Little Engine that Could.

• In my previous life, I had a career and friends who were more than three feet tall. People asked for my opinions and entrusted me with important projects and confidential information. I had conversations where not once was mentioned snacks or potties or play dates. But no one asked me my favorite color or why the sky is so blue. No one ever wanted me to sing.

• In my previous life, I had a life. I frequented aerobics classes, restaurants and the theater. I hosted parties where the themes had nothing to do with Star Wars or Winnie-the-Pooh. I shopped for myself and slept late on weekends. But no one made me Valentine cards. No one ever gave me dandelion bouquets.

• In my previous life, I traveled, and my destinations did not hinge on theme parks or swimming pools or nap schedules. The Mayan ruins of the Yucatan, snorkeling in the Caribbean, museum hopping in Italy, Kabuki Theater in Japan . . these were my playgrounds. I was the queen of the road and my destiny. But no one asked me to push the swing higher. No one ever invited me to splash in puddles or roll in the snow.

• In my previous life, I held my emotions in check. I did not stomp my feet or grit my teeth. I could not easily be diminished to tears or tirades. I considered my demeanor as laid-back and easygoing. But, no one made me care enough to cry. No one ever just loved me, anyway.

• In my previous life, I was free. I could carve my own path and follow my dreams. Nothing stood in my way. But the path was unsure and the vision blurred. No one ever gave me purpose enough to soar. Now, I endlessly rearrange piles of laundry, crumbs and toys. I am pulled and tugged, hassled and harassed, stepped on and sat upon, and desperate for some solitude. I am jean-clad and juice-stained, bleary-eyed and graying, underpaid and overwhelmed. And, sometimes I wonder who I am and what I've become. Then, one of my children shouts, "Mommy, I need you!" and it is perfectly clear.

• I am the center of the Universe. I am MOM.

(I received this via e-mail, one of the many that actually touched my heart)

Oh, The Games People Play Now...........

Oh, the games people play now
Every night and everyday now
Never meanin' what they say now
Never sayin' what they mean....

Why they waol away the hours
In their ivory towers
To be covered up with flowers
In the back of a black limosene....

Oh, we made one another cry,
Break our hearts when we say goodbye
Cross our hearts and hope to die
"Cept the other one's to blame....

Neither one will ever feel it
So we gaze at an 8 by 10
Thinkin' 'bout things that might have been
OW, It's a dirty rotten shame....

Look around tell me what you see
What's happenin' to you and me
God grant me the serenity
To remember who I am............

Cause you're givin up your sanity
For your pride and your vanity
Turn your back on humanity
OW, When you don't give a damn....

Talking about you and me
And the games people play.....

Check .....

SOR-RY......

adjective, -ri·er, -ri·est.

1. feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.: to be sorry to leave one's friends; to be sorry for a remark; to be sorry for someone in trouble.
2. regrettable or deplorable; unfortunate; tragic: a sorry situation; to come to a sorry end.
3. sorrowful, grieved, or sad: Was she sorry when he broke her heart?
4. associated with sorrow; suggestive of grief or suffering; melancholy; dismal.
5. wretched, poor, useless, or pitiful: a sorry horse.
6. (used interjectionally as a conventional apology or expression of regret): Sorry, you're misinformed. Did I dump you? Sorry.
7. sorry, such a pitifull hollow word, often used to explain actions or lack there of, when honest words would be so much better, so much more compassionate prior to inflicting pain......

Goodbye Alice In Wonderland..............

Jewel - Goodbye Alice In Wonderland




Music Video Code provided by VideoCodes4U

Merry Christmas...........

I'm exhausted!! It is now officially Christmas morning (1:00 am). Everyone is fast asleep. Santa came and went, ate the cookies the kids and I baked tonight and drank the milk. The kids are wound as tight as a champagne cork, but thankfully fast asleep~

I try to recall the family traditions my family and I had on this night so many years ago when I was a child. I suppose it's my lack of memory that forces me to put so much pressure on myself to create new family traditions that my children will remember. It's not an easy job! I'm married to a man who was raised Jewish (hey, no problems there). I think it would be much easier if he practiced his religious beliefs and we were able to include Hanukkah in our holiday celebrations in the proper way. But no, he's half assed at everything. Thus, leaving me to read a children's book about Hanukkah and trying to put a Christians spin on the whole damn thing so they experience all aspects of this holiday. If my children don't totally end up so confused it will be a total miracle (lighting the candles and giving the gifts is the easy part! It's those damns Jewish prayers that get my tounge tied every time!)

Every year I spend Christmas Eve wrapping alone, playing Santa to his fullest potential and trying my best to keep the spirit and magic of Christmas alive. It's not an easy thing to do alone. At a time when I could so use a friend or a kindred spirit by my side, I find they are busy with their own families, their own traditions. Holidays are a tough, for everyone I suppose. There are so many expectations for this magical day.

So to all my friends who may read this today or a week from now when I cross their mind, I hope you and yours have/had a very Merry Christmas! And as the new year approaches I hope you find peace and contentment in the choices you make and the lives you lead............ Be well my friends, be well...........