Thank You 2005!
(yes, I received this via e-mail!)

As another year will shortly be a memory, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and wealthy!

• Extra thanks for the ones that I have to open 15 times to get to the message.
• Special thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.
• Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
• Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
• I no longer drink Pepsi, or Dr Pepper, since the people who make these products are atheists who won't put "Under God" on their cans.
• I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
• I no longer check the coin return on pay phones, because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
• I no longer use cancer-causing anti-perspirants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day!
• I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
• I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by UPS, or FedEx, since they are actually Al Queda in disguise.
• I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
• I no longer eat KFC, because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
• I no longer have any sneakers- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
• I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus, since I now have their recipe.
• I no longer worry about my soul, because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
• Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
• I no longer have any savings, because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
• I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail programs!
• Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of mine's next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

Have a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Merry Christmas!!

CHRISTMAS JOY...........

(Winifred F. Walters)

Christmas may be many things
or it may be a few.
For you, the joy is each new toy;
for me; it's watching you...........

The Eye of God........

I received this photo in an email today and it made me "catch" my breath. According to the e-mail "this photo is a very rare one, taken by NASA. This kind of event occurs once in 3000 years. This is a picture NASA took with the Hubble telescope, called "The Eye of God".

In truth: This photograph of the coil-shaped Helix Nebula is one of the largest and most detailed celestial images ever made. The composite picture is a seamless blend of ultra-sharp images from NASA's Hubble Space Telescope combined with the wide view of the Mosaic Camera on the National Science Foundation's 0.9-meter telescope at Kitt Peak National Observatory near Tucson, Ariz. The image shows a fine web of filamentary "bicycle-spoke" features embedded in the colorful red and blue ring of gas. At 650 light-years away, the Helix is one of the nearest planetary nebulae to Earth. A planetary nebula is the glowing gas around a dying, Sun-like star. Credit: NASA, NOAO, ESA, the Hubble Helix Nebula Team, M. Meixner (STScI), and T.A. Rector (NRAO) (information obtained from NASA - National Aeronautics & Space Administration website).

Real or not, it makes one wonder and perhaps even hope for the possibility of it's existance, real or imagined. At a time and season when the world seems to be trying so hard to refuse, deny banish God from our society and everyday lives, it leaves me with a glimmer of hope that possibly suggests otherwise. The infinate possibilities of what surrounds us on this earth and beyond is truley amazing and beyond my imagination.........

Losing Self..............

At what point in our lives do we start loosing' ourselves while trying to please others? Twenty years ago I could have told you exactly who I was going to be and how much time it would take me to get there. At what point do we 'let go' of the dreams we believed were inevitable to settle for something "less, far less?"

It isn't just about pleasing one person but rather several people. Our jobs, our partners, our children, our friends. What once seemed like a quite simple "connect the dots" kind of life has evolved into a puzzle yet to be found in a book, a paper, an occasional quiz.

Where did the clarity of my life go? When did I lose my '20/20' vision of what I wanted and what I would become? I find myself grasping at what is real and what is important. What will nourish my 'soul' and make my being come alive once again, in the belief of what can be, should be or could be?

I've often thought that my happiness was based on being with a person, quite often just one person. But through the years I think I have come to learn, we're all just 'grasping' for straws here. Perhaps we are all just so clueless. So many of my friends are so sure of themselves, they are confident, outgoing they excel in their work environment and shine in the e public eye. However when push comes to shove and they lay their heads on their pillows at night, they are just 'lost' souls. Searching, hoping for something more, something nourishing.

I've never been a salesman. I can't sell you a car, a house a yacht. I could however, sell you the belief in yourself, your potential, your 'destiny.' I'd like to believe I have a natural insight into ones heart. I have lived my life with the belief that I "know" my own destiny, in my heart of hearts, my soul of souls. I "know" who I should be with, who I should spend my golden years with. But what happens if "they" don't? What happens if "they" can't believe in themselves, the same way I can? Oh shit, even worse, what happens if "their" destiny really doesn't include me? Does that make my convictions any less real? If I don't achieve my goal due to their inability to believe in what I do, does that mean I "fail"?

Perhaps, I should have focused more on not "who" would be by my side on this journey called life, but rather, how could "I" achieve contentment on my own. It's a lonely thought, but then again, perhaps not..........

Perhaps, I've been confused all along. Perhaps the people I once believed would be there, changed their game plan. Perhaps they can't even find the pieces themselves....

Perhaps, they are as lost as I am...................

Eyes of Blue......

Child of MIne...........

'They' said, that at six weeks of age they thought maybe he bumped his head on a door knob. 'They' said, maybe they put him in the baby's seat too hard. 'They' said, they pinched his cheeks too hard sometimes too...........

But the 'Doctors' said, "In order to fracture a six week old baby's skull on a door knob you would have to grab the baby by his ankles and spin around as fast as you could, allowing him to hit his head with as much force as possible on the metal knob.

The 'Neurologist' said, "It will be years before we know the damage." The 'Physical Therapist' said, "He will be delayed in many area's of his life for a very long time." The 'Speech Therapist' said, "He will probably be special needs throughout all or most of his school years.

The 'Judge' said, "It was one of the worst cases of child abuse" he had ever seen. The blood vessels in his eyes had burst, and you could no longer see the whites in his eyes."

The 'State Welfare Department' said, "There will be no reunification, due to severe child abuse."

The 'New Judge' said, "Will you promise to make him your own, to care for him and all the needs he may have?" I nodded and smiled.

That was four years ago. My promise today is the same as it was then. "I will love him with all that I am, with all that I will be." I will protect him, nurture him and show him just what love truly is. He has taught me patience and courage and more then anyone else in my life he has shown me what unconditional love is.

Not flesh of my flesh, not bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, you didn't grow under my heart but in it................

'Mommy' says............ "I love you," Boo Boo Eyes of Blue..........

The Ballad of Reading Gaol.......

After graduation, in the summer of 1983 I set off to search for things I had yet to see. I was so passionate about learning, or more importantly, experiencing new things. In my lust for life, I became enthralled with poetry, albeit somewhat morbid poetry.

While staying with my sister, my brother-in-law introduced me to Oscar Wilde. I had flirted with reading him in high school but my attention span seemed to be more limited. Not because the school I attended lacked in it's education, but rather because my mind chose to dwell on things so much grander then the grey walls that surrounded me.

Recently while having a glass of wine with an old friend from school and being told for the hundredth time about the inadequacies of our education during or formulative years, I remembered an old poem I used to spend hours trying to memorize in my latter teens. This is quite a lengthy poem and I was only able to memorize the first nine paragraphs. To this day, I cannot forget the words they are forever engraved in my memory. In my younger years I dont believe I could truly appreciate the true meaning behind this poem, but 20+ years later, it's words are bittersweet.

The Ballad of Reading Gaol

Excerpt - Oscar Wilde 1898

Yet each man kills the thing he loves,

By each let this be heard,

Some do it with a bitter look,

Some with a flattering word,

The coward does it with a kiss,

The brave man with a sword!

Some kill their love when they are young,

And some when they are old;

Some strangle with the hands of Lust,

Some with the hands of Gold:

The kindest use a knife, because

The dead so soon grow cold.

Some love too little, some too long,

Some sell, and others buy;

Some do the deed with many tears,

And some without a sigh:

For each man kills the thing he loves,

Yet each man does not die.

Small Town Dreams.......

In the summer of 1983, right after my 18th birthday I took flight and left the state I had lived in all my life. I'm not too sure if I was running to anything anymore then running away from something. Like so many kids my age we were seeking out where our niche in the world would be and what we would become. We refused to believe that this small town we were born in could possibly hold all of our dreams and ambitions.

At 18, I felt as if I had a million possibilities of what I would one day become. The world lay ahead of me and I truly believed I was invincible. I could go anywhere, do anything, become anything I wanted.

Years later, I would in fact return to that same small town and live in the same house I grew up in as a child. By the age of 40 I had lost both my mom and dad. Somehow, I no longer felt invincible and have come to the conclusion that life is quite often much shorter then we think.

We spend days, weeks, years waiting for our lives to become all we expected it to be. Time passes and those old memories of what we believed we could become soon begins to fade.

So here I sit, decades later contemplating the first 41 years that passed me by with nothing more then a handful of memories and boxes of pictures that represent the time that has slipped so quickly by. My greatest accomplishment to date would be my two incredible children. I now know that I had to come back to this town to have them be a part of my life, the best part.

I would like to think the first 40 years was just practice for what is to come. That I needed that time to get my shit together so I could become that person I always believed I would be.

So here's to the next 40+ years. Where I hope to become a better mother, a stronger person, and able to achieve those things I've always known I could..................